i do crossword puzzles in my free time.
i love her. so much.
Every time I go to the mall at Century City, I make it a point to park in those pink “Expectant Mother” spaces.
Fuck that ridiculous policy — fuck any stupid rule enacted by pant-suit wearing corporate trolls, enforced by mouth-breathing mall cops, and obeyed by mini-van driving stepford wives.
If I’m lucky, on my short walk to the escalator I’ll catch a sneer from some cunty nag with a double-wide stroller. Nothing makes me happier than beaming back a curled-up smile that says, “No, I’m not the least bit expectant, and fuck you for asking.”
But today — oh, my — today was delicious. As I hopped out of my car, an angry soccer mom waddled over. She wagged a chubby little finger at me and yelled out, “That spot is for pregnant women only!”
Without missing a beat, I shot back, “My abortion isn’t until this weekend, so fuck off.”
Stopped her dead in her tracks. It was beautiful.